Love and Dating in Death Note
I watched Death Note for the first time as a teenager and recently re-watched it. Both times, it was so exhilarating that I finished the series in a span of two days. This is currently one of my two favorite animes, along with Shin Sekai Yori.
I had the common experience during the anime of yelling at the characters (in my head or actually out loud) because of how stupidly they are behaving. Normally people would consider this evidence of bad writing. But I actually think it’s evidence of good writing, at least in this case. In Death Note, the game that characters are playing is obvious enough that suboptimal strategies are recognizable. The world of Death Note is, mostly, the real world with some additional rule-bound supernatural mechanics. Contrast this with most fiction, where the world works on unclear rules, and characters are playing unclear games. In that case it’s harder to say that the characters are being stupid, because for the most part, they’re not even wrong.
Since Death Note has relatively clear game mechanics, it sheds some light on areas of life that have game interpretations, but which generally resist formalization. These include dating and love, especially romantic love.
Death Note’s dating is cliché in places, but this is fine: it’s presenting an uncommon perspective on the supernatural and strategy, not so much dating. From studying the new game-mechanical context of Death Note, perhaps some information can be gleaned about normal, cliché conceptions of dating.
Death Note doesn’t contain sex scenes and has very few references to sex. Dating in Death Note isn’t about sex or reproduction, it’s about power. While dating is usually at least a little about sex, dating can exist at higher simulacra levels.
While some of the generalizations below are fairly obvious, others are less so. I’m including the basic ones to get a more complete sense of the model of love and dating in the series, without skipping over implied background.
Major spoiler warnings ahead. I’ll assume basic familiarity with the plot of Death Note from now on. In general, I recommend watching the series without spoilers.
If you’re popular, more people want to date you
Perhaps the first reference to dating in Death Note is when Light goes on a date with a high school classmate, Yuri. He mentions to Ryuk that he had a few different people in mind for this, because he’s a popular guy.
However Yuri feels about Light, Light doesn’t care much for her. He has a number of options, about as good as each other, and he picked her arbitrarily. He didn’t intend to date her long-term; he wanted to go on a single date, to have an excuse for riding on a particular bus while he was being followed by an FBI investigator. The investigator (Raye Penber) notes that it’s very normal of him to go on a date on his day off, and he reduces his level of suspicion. Yuri is a throwaway date; Light doesn’t care how the strange events on the bus will look to Yuri, he cares how he looks to Raye, and how being with Yuri will make him look.
If you love someone, you might avenge their death
After Light kills Raye Perbur, Raye’s fiancé Naomi Misora, a former FBI investigator, catches on that something unusual is afoot, involving Kira (the possessor of the power to cause death supernaturally, in this case Light Yagami, though his identity is unknown). Raye did not want Naomi looking into the Kira case, for the sake of her own safety; he preferred her as a cloistered fiancé to a fellow Kira investigator. But Naomi suspects that Kira killed Raye, and that Kira may have been on the bus with him.
She goes to the police station, where she attempts to report this information to the Kira investigators, but she fails because the investigators aren’t there. Light is there, however, and appears very helpful to her. Eventually, he betrays and kills her; it’s too much of a threat that she has information linking him to Kira, and that she has the motive to avenge her late fiancé.
If you love someone, you might kill and die for them
Gelus, a Shinigami, falls in love with an attractive model named Misa Amane. Love between Shinigami and humans, of course, differs in some ways with romantic love between humans, but there are some similarities. When Misa is attacked by a stalker, who intends to kill both of them if they don’t date each other, Gelus writes the stalker’s name in his notebook, killing him and saving Misa. But this is against the rules of the Shinigami realm, so Gelus dies, and his lifespan is transferred to Misa’s. There is apparently no self-interested reason for Gelus to do this; it is an act of sacrifice, out of love.
If you love someone, you’ll want to meet them
Misa Amane gains Gelus’s Death Note, and she takes the deal to gain Shinigami eyes (the power to see people’s names and lifespans), in exchange for half her remaining lifespan. She sends some tapes to Sakura TV, speaking as Kira. When the police try to interfere, she uses the Shinigami eyes to kill some of them, to ensure that the tapes play.
Light, now ironically on the Kira investigation team, is told by L, the head investigator, to create a tape to reply as Kira. This tape tells the second Kira to stop killing innocent people, and it tells the public that these are two different people. While L suspects Light of being Kira, the shared understanding of the team is that this is a fake message from Kira, even though in fact it is actually from Kira.
The second Kira, Misa, replies that she would like to meet the first Kira, and broadcasts a cryptic document listing various locations. Since she loves Light Yagami, she is willing to go to great lengths to meet him, taking risks such as sending the tapes to Sakura TV and killing people who interfere.
If someone loves you, they won’t kill you
Misa has the power to kill anyone whose face she sees, so meeting with her is a risky endeavor. Light, still posing as an investigator, walks in front of a location he thinks the second Kira might be at with a crowd, to conceal his identity (specifically, who Ryuk was following). Since Misa has the Shinigami eyes, she can see the lifespan of anyone except another Death Note user; this is not known to Light. Since she can’t see Light’s lifespan, she identifies him as Kira, and gets his name.
Light does not spot Misa, as she is disguised. He took a risk to walk past a location he thought the second Kira was at, even in a crowd. Misa could have killed him at any time after seeing his face. While he’s unsure about the second Kira’s intentions, he takes the expressed intention to meet secretly as a positive sign, and his judgment is correct; Misa would much prefer to serve Light than to kill him.
If you’re dating someone, you can be in the same bedroom as them
Misa arrives at Light’s house, and tells his mother and sister that she’s here to see Light. When they go up to his bedroom, he explains to his mother and sister that she’s the girl he was telling them about earlier, who he was dating. This is made up on the spot, to explain why they’re going to his room together. It’s normal for people who are dating to be in the same bedroom with the door closed, and otherwise it might raise suspicion.
If you love someone, you’re likely to obey and trust them
Misa explains to Light that she had her occultist friend dub the Sakura TV tapes and send them in, so they can’t be traced to her. When Light inquires as to this friend’s current situation, Misa says she will kill her if Light wants that. Even though she has just met Light, her relationship with him transcends the other relationships in her life; she would kill a friend at Light’s whim.
Misa also offers to let Light hold on to her Death Note. This would give Light a great deal of power over Misa, as he could kill her, but she couldn’t kill him. The idea that she loves Light is more credible to him, because obeying him to this degree is hard to explain from a motive other than love. Effectively, she trusts him a lot, even if he thinks he might use her.
If someone does something you like a lot, you’re more likely to love them
Misa explicitly says that she doesn’t care if Light uses her. Light asks how she can say something like that. She explains that her parents were killed by a burglar before her eyes. The trial was drawn out, but Kira (Light) punished the burglar by killing him. As such, Kira means everything to her.
Loving someone who doesn’t love you back can lead to an exploitative relationship
Light hugs Misa, and she is overcome with emotion. He explains that, while he can’t be her boyfriend, he can play the part, and that the Shinigami eyes will be a powerful weapon. He thinks to himself that he plans to have her see L and kill him, and will kill Misa afterwards, since only she knows Kira’s identity. Misa’s love for Light leads her to accepting him having power over her; since he doesn’t love her back, this is an opportunity to exploit her.
People who are dating meet with each other often, when they can
Hilariously, after Light agrees to officially date Misa, Misa tries to list the rules of dating, one of which is that they go on a date at least once a week. This is a normal occurrence in dating, yet it is unusual to list it explicitly as a rule. Light explains that seeing her too often would raise suspicion, as it’s a connection between the two Kiras.
People who are dating don’t want their partner dating other people
Light explains that, to avoid raising suspicions, he will date other girls. Misa gets angry and says that if she sees him with another girl, she will kill her. This is a rather extreme threat, enabled by Misa’s Death Note powers, but has some similarities with ordinary romantic jealousy. In context, this is romantically coercive, as Light has a good reason to date Misa for his own protection (from her and others), and Misa is threatening to eliminate his other options. This is the only exception Misa gives to her obedience to Light. (Polyamory is not explored in the series.)
Love can be at first sight
Misa says she loves Light more than the world. Light is confused, since as a Kira admirer, she would more likely love Kira because she agrees with his plan to change the world. Misa explains that, while she was interested in Kira because of Kira avenging her parents, she fell in love with Light upon seeing him for the first time. While love can be a consequence of abstract information, it can also result from an immediate aesthetic impression.
You’re more willing to obey the love interest of someone you love
Light notes that Misa’s threat is empty, as he holds both notebooks. He says he will kill her if she disobeys. Rem, Misa’s Shinigami, says he cannot do that; she will kill him if he tries to kill Misa, or even if Misa dies before her default lifespan, which Rem can see. Obviously, this would end Rem’s own life; Rem must have, like Gelus, fallen in love with Misa. Light realizes that, to survive, he must protect Misa from the police. (Later, Misa tells Rem not to actually kill Light; she does love him, after all.)
Light addresses this threat by asking Rem if Misa being happy would make her happy. Of course, she says yes. He asks Misa if Light being happy would make her happy, to which she also of course says yes. He realizes he might be able to get Rem to obey him this way; he asks Misa to ask Rem to kill L. With the head investigator gone, Light and Misa would be safe and happy, and able to love each other more. Rem accepts, agreeing to kill L when Light commands it in the future; since she doesn’t like Light, this won’t make her die. While this transitive love allows Light to command Rem, it doesn’t cause Rem to love Light for the purposes of the Shinigami death.
People who are dating share cell phone numbers
Light, seeking to kill L, needs a way to contact Misa, so he asks for her cell phone number. She responds, “It’s about time!”; when he explains that she can’t have his cell phone number, to avoid raising suspicion, she replies “Why not? We’re lovers!”.
To Misa, sharing cell phone numbers is an important part of dating; it enables them to contact each other and talk whenever they want to. She solves the dilemma by giving her an old phone of hers, which he can use to call her and vice versa.
Kissing someone can keep them in love with you
Misa likes the idea of having a somewhat normal romantic relationship with Light; he’s going to call her about killing L, and while this isn’t a normal boyfriend/girlfriend conversation, at least it’s a call. She fantasizes about having dinner with him, looking at the night sky, and after that, “the main event” (a rare sexual reference in the series). He suddenly kisses her, and she leaves his home blissfully. Later, he explains to Ryuk that he kissed her because he needs her to stay in love with him.
Dating an attractive person is desirable
Earlier, Light’s mom and sister had said they were worried about Misa but were glad she was cute. L, upon meeting Misa, says he’s jealous of Light; he’s been a huge fan of Misa, seeing some of her modeling in a magazine. Dating an attractive person such as Misa is agreed to be desirable, and cause for jealousy.
Someone who loves someone else will use planning and ingenuity to save them
Though Misa meets L, she does not get a chance to give Light his name, as she is dragged away by a manager and later by police. L puts her in extreme confinement and interrogates her. She asks Rem to kill her due to the discomfort, but Rem suggests another plan: she can give up her notebook and lose her memories of ever being the second Kira, so that her confinement will only show her innocence. Rem explains this plan to Light after executing this step, and she says she will kill him if he doesn’t save Misa.
Since Rem loves Misa, she does not want to kill her, but plans out a way to save her. Light makes further plans, under Rem’s threat: one of the notebooks will be buried, and one will be given to a power-hungry person. He will accept confinement and give up his own notebook to show his innocence.
Love for a concrete person exceeds love for an abstract person
After L releases Misa and Light from confinement, he asks Misa if she would pick Kira or Light. She says Light, of course; while she admires Kira and would like to meet him, that’s not love, whereas she loves Light. (Remember that Misa and Light currently lack their memories of being Kira.) L explains that Light wants to catch Kira. Accordingly, Misa says that if Light wants to catch Kira, then that’s what she wants to happen. So, she cooperates in investigating the new Kira, the power-hungry businessman.
Since L has handcuffed himself to the concrete Light Yagami, they share the same fate (in the short term), and so Misa’s love for Light motivates her to help L as well.
Marrying someone can be a way of controlling them
The greedy businessman with the Death Note, Kyosuke Higuchi, plans to marry Misa Amane. This is not just because she is beautiful, but because she is powerful, and he could use her power, especially her Shinigami eyes. After she is of use, he plans on taking a life insurance policy on her and killing her. As a former Death Note user who could regain her Death Note and memories, she is potentially very powerful, and a threat to him.
Misa goes on a date with Kyosuke to gain information about him. She uses his desire to marry her to gain hard evidence that he is the third Kira.
Ruling the world with a lover is enticing
After Misa regains her memories, she takes the Shinigami deal again, further halving her lifespan. This is not just to kill L, but to create a new world with Light. The shared fantasy they have of ruling the world together is compelling and strengthens their relationship.
People denigrate their other lovers to show their affection to a preferred lover
Kyomi Takada becomes the official spokeswoman of the new Kira, Teru Mikami. In college, Light had considered going out with her, but nothing came of it. Since Light would like to communicate with Teru, he starts dating Kyomi.
Kyomi knows Light is dating Misa and brings this up. He explains that she’s not smart enough to be his partner. By denigrating the woman who he is dating, he opens up the possibility in Kyomi’s mind that she may date Light. His love has a preference ordering, and he is telling her that she ranks above Misa, being more likely to ultimately be his partner.
People who are dating can communicate information secretly
Officially, Light is investigating Kyomi. When he meets with her, the Kira investigation team is surveilling the conversation. Teru calls in, and Light explains to the investigation team that the surveillance has to be disassembled at Kira’s request. Once Light can speak privately with Kyomi, he explains to her that he is Kira, and that he would like to create a new world with her, with her as a goddess; this is similar to the fantasy he shared with Misa earlier.
Later, instead of removing surveillance devices, Light has the meetings only audio recorded, and he and Kyomi pass notes. The context of dating enables more private communication, which is used illicitly.
People who love the same person compete for their affection
Kyomi requests a private meeting with Misa. Misa drinks a lot of wine. Kyomi notes that Light is busy and can’t see Misa often. This is a kind of posturing, showing she is more able to spend time with Light than Misa is; Misa is annoyed by this. Misa postures back by telling her that, at an upcoming pop festival, she will announce her engagement with Light. Kyomi keeps her cool and reacts positively, which confuses Misa. Misa worries Kyomi might have her killed by Kira, but Kyomi assures her that she won’t.
Misa says she used to like Kira but doesn’t now that Light is trying to catch Kira, showing her un-awareness of the situation. Further, she says that when Light catches Kira, Kyomi will likely be executed. Kyomi reacts outwardly with shock, but inwardly with delight that Misa doesn’t understand that Light is Kira, indicating Light’s lack of trust in her. Kyomi cuts off the meeting, insulting Misa, who goes on to get more drunk. Afterwards, both think they have won the posturing contest to be Light’s girlfriend. Near, upon getting an intel report, concludes that Light is popular with the ladies and can get both Misa and Kyomi to do his bidding.
Love can be faked
Misa’s plan to announce her engagement is cut off by her temporary detainment as part of Near’s investigation. Melo kidnaps Kyomi, but she kills him with a scrap of the Death Note. Both Light and Teru write Kyomi’s name in the Death Note, but Light does so first; he writes that she dies by burning everything around her. This ensures that the evidence of Kyomi’s possession of the Death Note, and information about her contacts with Teru and Light, is destroyed.
Though Light appeared to love Kyomi and said they would rule the new world together, this was an empty promise. He faked love for her so she would trust him, and he could use and later betray her. Often, it is risky to take someone’s professions of love at face value.
The death of a beloved can cause grief and suicide
At the end, after Light’s death, the anime shows Misa past a safety railing on a roof, hinting that she kills herself by jumping off. Because she loves Light so much, and she has said she couldn’t live without Light, it is in character for her to commit suicide after his death. As she said, she loves him more than the world.
Conclusion
In Death Note, an unusually high portion of character decisions are instrumental, in a central conflict around the emergence of the Death Note on Earth. This enhances the degree to which character decisions can be interpreted game-theoretically; the inner monologues reveal further information about characters’ strategies.
Love itself is not apparently strategic, but factors into strategy; it provides opportunities for trust, exploitation, information sharing, competition, and so on. In involving love with the central conflict, Death Note presents a more gamified conception of love and dating than are typical. By connecting relatively typical popular conceptions of love and dating to a great conflict, it reveals game-theoretic logic implicit in these popular conceptions. As such, analysis of love and dating in Death Note is a means of modeling real love and dating to some degree, albeit translated to the unusual context of an intense conflict involving supernatural powers.
Models of love and dating gleaned from popular fiction will of course be simplified and culturally dependent, but it is socially relevant which sort of simplifications that people similar to the audience members understand, since in real interactions it is often unclear what aspects of love different people understand. The picture of love and dating one gets from Death Note is in which love involves obedience, sacrifice for the sake of the love interest, competition between different lovers over being the most preferred, private communication, the possibility of betrayal, and shared fantasies of ruling the world together.
The entwinement of love and dating with strategic gameplay in Death Note creates intricate interpersonal dynamics, and it makes legible some of the more strategic aspects of love and dating. I think that’s part of what makes it so thrilling: it’s not simply a commentary on human emotion or on strategy, but a representation of their interactions and intersections.